Obama visited a mosque for the first time today (yeah, right) in Baltimore. His purpose was to show the nation that Muslims are good Americans and not terrorists, except for the ones who are terrorists. Actually, that’s not true; his real intent was to apologize to Muslims for the US being so damn Islamophobic. Luckily, Obama has a solution. Not for the actual terrorist threat, but rather the bad PR Muslims get. He figures there just needs to be more Muslims on TV and everything will be cool.
“Part of what we have to do is to lift up the contributions of the Muslim-American community not when there’s a problem, but all the time. Our television shows should have some Muslim characters that are unrelated to national security. It’s not that hard to do,” said Obama.
Then he qualified this theory by pointing the overwhelming success of black people in this country:
“There was a time when there were no black people on television and you can tell good stories while still representing the realities of our communities,” he said.
It’s been over 40 years since George and Weezie moved on up to the East Side in The Jeffersons, and I’m not quite sure black people are doing better. In fact, after decades of democratic big government meddling, the black community is much worse off. Then again, Obama is the President of the United States and if he says black TV shows have helped black people, he must be right. It’s not like he’s ever lied to us before.
If Obama says Muslim TV shows, not related to national security, will help lift up the Muslim community and erase the “terrorist” stigma, he might be onto something. I’ve come up with a few show ideas I’d like to pitch to the liberal money-grubbing whores in the entertainment industry:
Good Golly, Somali – It’s a show about a group of Muslim immigrants from Somalia who try to force the company they work for into letting them walk off their jobs several times every day to pray to Allah. When the company tries to accommodate this ridiculous request, the Muslims are still not satisfied so they quit and sue for religious discrimination.
Man Of Honor – This one is about a Muslim father with 12 daughters living in the United States. Each week he murders one of his girls in an honor killing because she has adopted the wicked ways of Western culture. If the show is a success (and why wouldn’t it be?), he could adopt more daughters to keep things moving along.
Hijab You In The Eye – A crazy white woman converts to Islam to spite her Christian parents. She spends her time trying to wear a hijab in terribly inappropriate places like a public swimming pool, go-cart track, sky-diving, etc.. When the proprietors refuse to let her wear the traditional Muslim head covering for safety reasons, she sues them and they go out of business.
Amish, Hipster, or Muslim – In this game show, contestants have to guess whether a beard belongs to an Amish man, a hipster, or a Muslim. They would be shown a close-up of a beard and the camera would slowly pull out. The first contestant to ring in with the correct answer wins some Muchentuchen and one pee-pee touch.
I think any of these shows would help Americans get over the constant terrorist attacks perpetrated by adherents of Islam. And since Obama likes being on TV more than he likes being president, he could make regular appearances either as a cameo or as a reoccurring character. He’s already got the right name.
