So this is pretty funny. A Mexican drag queen tried to rob a bank in San Antonio on Tuesday, but failed miserably because he/she/it didn’t speak English and the teller didn’t understand Spanish. Full disclosure: I don’t know for a fact that this person was Mexican or a drag queen, but as you read the story I’m sure you will come to the same conclusion as I did.
MySA reports that an enormous person in a purple dress with a big floppy hat and a witch-looking wig entered a Wells Fargo on San Antonio’s Northwest Side around 10am. Witnesses say the non-English speaking freak asked for a teller that could conduct a transaction in Spanish. He/she/it would not get one.
The suspect began filling out a deposit slip, writing the words: “Dame Dinero,” which reads “Give me money,” in Spanish, and a number the teller didn’t recognize.
Apparently not understanding Spanish, the teller assumed “Dame Dinero” was the person’s name and began searching for it in the computer. Not finding that name and some more miscommunication, the teller decided the person’s name must be “Damien Dinero” which would be a cool name for a sleazy lounge singer. Asked to confirm this name the potential robber got frustrated and snatched the deposit slip back.
Police say that the would-be robber acted nervously and kept reaching into a large bag. Eventually realizing there was a language barrier that couldn’t be overcome, the large person in the purple dressed walked away from the teller and exited the bank. He/she/it got into a car with no license plates and drove away.
Besides the picture, which shows someone that really looks like a big ugly man in a wig and dress, there is another reason to believe this person was a drag queen:
Despite what’s shown in photos, officials said they are not releasing the suspect’s gender, which investigators could not confirm as of Tuesday.
If the cops don’t think this was a woman that’s good enough for me. I’ll bet the APB on this robbery attempt was hilarious: Suspect is a big freaky thing in a purple dress. Be advised suspect may be armed with poor English skills.
If ever there was a reason to assimilate, this is it. Mexican immigrants, both legal and illegal, simply refused to learn English. Even after years of living here, they can’t manage to pick up even a word or two of our native language. As was demonstrated in San Antonio on Tuesday, learning to speak English has its advantages. Not only does it make it easier to scam the American taxpayers out of undeserved social benefits, it makes bank robberies go so much smoother.