Today is First Lady Michelle Obama’s 50th birthday and to help commemorate this momentous occasion ABC News has prepared a list of ways you can help her celebrate. The list of 50 Ways To Celebrate Michele Obama’s Birthday is supposed to be a loving tribute, but it shows how truly unimportant Barack’s “trophy wife” has been.
The list tries really hard to note all of Michelle’s accomplishments, but the best it can come up with is drinking more water and forcing school children to eat food they describe as “barf.” Other important things the First Lady has done include shopping and taking vacations. She really hasn’t established herself as a woman of the people.
Here are a few highlights of the ways you can be like Michelle:
1. Dance to Beyonce
3. Move into a massive new house with your family and invite your mother to move in too
5. Make the cover of Vogue
8. Buy a Jason Wu dress
11. Shop at J. Crew
16. Watch Spike Lee’s “Do The Right Thing” on your first date with your future husband
18. Hang out with your friend, Oprah
23. Roll your eyes at House Speaker John Boehner or the Danish prime minister
27. Challenge Desmond Tutu to a pushup contest
32. Hug, kiss and fist bump the President of the United States
33. Shop at Target with sunglasses on
38. Make your husband stop smoking
40. Do the Dougie (with Jimmy Fallon)
43. Dine at Spiagga in Chicago
45. Say “never say never” to botox
46. Hang out in Hawaii for an extra week as an early birthday gift
47. Host the most popular boy band in the world at your daughters’ first party in their new home
50. Just keep on dancing…
Wow, those seem like the accomplishments of Paris Hilton or maybe a Kardashian, not the Ivy League educated First Lady of the United States. She really comes off as a Marie Antoinette-type character that frivolously spends as the people suffer under the “King’s” iron rule. Instead of “let them eat cake” she says, “make them eat vegetables.”
I will be thankful when her birthday is over and the media stops flashing pictures of her all over the news. Her shallowness is annoying and I find her really hard to look at. Man, is she one gigantic unattractive woman.
I’ve prepared my own list of ways you can celebrate Michelle Obama’s 50th birthday. I didn’t come up with fifty ways because she ain’t worth it.
1. Try to get rid of the retina burn from looking at Michelle by viewing pictures of Kate Upton. She’s been on the cover of Vogue too
2. Hang out with your friend that hates Oprah
3. Bang your head or rock out to Ted Nugent and Megadeth because they are outspoken Obama-haters
4. Eat something that doesn’t resemble vomit
5. Make sure all of your water consumption is coupled with hops and barley. In other words: drink a beer
6. Smoke a cigarette
7. Roll your eyes at every liberal/progressive/socialist you can find
8. Remember that Wonder Woman is an Amazon too and she’s hot!
9. Take vacation from reality and pretend Ronald Reagan is still president
10. Just keep telling yourself, “It’s only three more years. Three more years…”