Hipsters, Vikings, lumberjacks, and two-thirds of ZZ Top all have something in common. If you said they have beards, that’s true, but the real link according to the left is that these people are racist. It’s kind of complicated, or maybe just really stupid, but liberals are claiming that white people with beards are white supremacists or some shit like that. Technically since the left says all white people are racist it stands to reason that white people with beards would be too, but I guess the beard makes racist white people doubly-racist.
The Atlantic is all over this latest racist scourge with this non-satirical article:
What follows is the lost story of American facial hair. Like countless other histories, it is rife with contradictions. It begins with white Americans at the time of the Revolution who derided barbering as the work of “inferiors.” It continues with black entrepreneurs who turned it into a source of wealth and prestige. And it concludes with the advent of the beard—a fashion born out of desperation but transformed into a symbol of masculine authority and white supremacy.
As I said, this is not meant as parody. The basic premise is that following the Revolutionary War cutting hair and shaving people was considered arduous manual labor or “shit work” so black men became the barbers. Somewhere around the mid-1800’s white people got so racist that they didn’t want black men shaving them so they stopped going to barbers and grew beards.
But wait, it gets worse. According to this piece, these racist bearded white men then decided that any minorities who couldn’t grow beards had to be exterminated. Seriously, look at this:
These appeals were especially persuasive at a time when America was in an active period of exploration and invasion, ranging from the U.S.-Mexican War to the ongoing Indian relocation and genocide. These projects were aimed primarily at peoples whom white Americans believed to be incapable of growing facial hair.
But wait, it gets worser. The racist white beardos were also sexist bastards:
But the “manly appendage,” as one commenter grandly called the beard, also served a number of important functions closer to home. As historian Sarah Gold McBride contends, beards were one response to a growing women’s rights movement, typified by the 1848 Seneca Falls Convention. Faced with threats to their prerogative, men grew beards “to codify a distinctly male appearance when other traditional markers of masculinity were no longer stable or certain.” The 19th-century beard may have sprouted from a fear of razors and a distaste for black barber shops. But it grew into a symbol that set white American men apart from smooth-faced foreigners as well as powerful women at home.
Oh, I just noticed that bit of xenophobia represented by the white man’s beard as well.
So yeah, somebody actually sat down and wrote an article about how a white man with a beard is celebrating the history of white supremacy, Indian genocide, and misogyny. But what about black, Asian, and Hispanic men who grow beards? Are they racist genocidal women-haters too? Of course not. That’s not how this works at all. Only white guys are racist for doing things that are definitely not racist like growing a beard.