A school in Pennsylvania stocked classrooms with river rocks that students can use to throw at an armed maniac in the unlikely event of a school shooting. Another school in the state put miniature souvenir baseball bats in classrooms for teachers to unlock and use to confront crazed gunmen should the situation arise. Not to be outdone in the stupidity department, a school in Michigan is putting “safety buckets” in classrooms to thwart any potential school shooters. Buckets?
WNEM reports in this silly thing from Clio, MI:
They are kits no one hopes to use, but ones a local school district said could save a life in the event of the unimaginable.
To prepare for an active shooter, the Clio School District is arming its classrooms with supplies.
Heidi Hummel and her classmates are gearing up for their senior year at Clio High School.
In this day and age, in light of all the school shootings, back-to-school prep has taken a more somber tone. This year at Clio, every classroom will have what’s called a “safety bucket.”
If you are like me, you probably can’t imagine how a bucket, even one called a safety bucket, could possibly stop a bad guy with a gun. Are these bullet-proof buckets that kids can put on their heads? Is the plan to throw buckets at someone with a firearm? Even better, is there a gun and ammo inside the bucket?
Not even close. The point of the “safety bucket” is not to stop a school shooter at all:
“We are unloading them and using them in the event of a lockdown situation. We’re also going to use them as food and supplies if we were ever locked down for a long time,” said Hummel.
The buckets will go into every classroom in the district.
Assistant Principal Kevin Ayre said the school needs the public’s help to fill the buckets with potentially life-saving supplies.
“They’re going to be filled with gauze, bandages, water. You know, necessities in the situation that we have to be in a long-term lockdown,” said Ayre.
So the actual plan at this high school isn’t to make the students safer from a shooter, but rather to absorb bullets and then hunker down with ramen noodles and beef jerky? It’s not all bad however:
Students and faculty said they are great because in the case of an emergency they could be used as bathrooms as well.
I’m guessing in a school shooting situation that going to the bathroom isn’t entirely voluntary, but hey, the students and staff like these safety bathroom buckets. Plus it gives them an odd sense of invincibility.
Clio Principal Lisa Taylor said her school has been trained in ALICE, alert-lockdown-inform-counter-evacuate, and these buckets will just continue to help students feel more comfortable.
“I mean, when you look at our kids, my daughter goes to Clio. I have a high schooler and another one in elementary. And I look at this as a parent too. I want our students to come here and feel like, ‘wow, I feel like I’m safe,’” saidTaylor.
These buckets with food and bandages that can also hold a turd makes them feel safe? I’m not sure why, but it may be due to great marketing. If they had been named “You’re All Going To Die” buckets, that sense of safety would probably not be as pronounced.
An armed resource officer on campus and/or armed and trained teachers would be way more effective against a mass shooter, but then again these buckets have freeze-dried goodies and you can poop in them so they aren’t without their charm.