Early in Saturday’s democratic debate, Hillary Clinton simply disappeared. ABC News took a commercial break and when they came back, Hillary was gone. Kind of weird thing to happen in a major presidential debate, don’t you think? Even stranger is the fact that no one, not ABC not the DNC not the Clinton Campaign, has offered a reason why.
I actually forgot the debate was even on. Who puts a debate on Saturday night opposite NFL football and Ash vs. The Evil Dead? When I flipped the channel over I got there just in time to hear moderator David Muir say, “We believe Secretary Clinton will be coming around the corner any minute.”
Then there was a shot of the stage with a noticeable absence. Socialist kook Bernie Sanders was on the left, doofus nobody Martin O’Malley was on the right, but the center podium was empty. It seemed very odd.
Muir began asking Sanders a question about how he intends to bring socialism to the US, when suddenly there was some sarcastic cheering from the crowd. Hillary walked back onto the stage to her podium and said “sorry” into the microphone. And that was it. Absolutely no explanation for her disappearing act.
Scouring the web, nobody has a reason why Clinton went missing either. Luckily I’m here with some wild speculation. Somebody has to get to the bottom of this.
I think the first most obvious explanation comes from Clinton aide Huma Abedin, who let it be known that Hillary is “often confused.” Clinton is no spring chicken and the mind tends to go when a person reaches an advanced age. Maybe Hillary just thought the debate was over and was headed for her limo or perhaps she went back stage and simply forgot where she was.
Another reason could be related to the head injury Hillary suffered in 2012. She fell down and whacked her head, sustaining a concussion and then developed a blood clot. She spent 30 days in the hospital and then appeared in public wearing special glasses for people who have traumatic brain injuries. Clinton has denied any permanent brain damage, but if she can’t even be at the podium when she’s supposed to, it makes you think.
In defense of his wife’s alleged brain damage, Bill Clinton let us know that she is not a zombie. Of course Bad Billy is a pathological liar so we can conclude that Hillary probably is a zombie. Maybe she wasn’t at the podium after the commercial break because she was back stage snacking on some human brains.
Yet another reason could be a glitch in her software. Hillary has claimed that she is a robot, so it’s possible her operating system crashed and she was being rebooted. I bet she is running Windows ME; that was the worst OS ever.
The most plausible explanation for Hillary’s absence is that she was using the bathroom. I’m not talking about bladder control issues, though I’m sure she has those, but rather the fact that she’s so completely full of shit. A person can’t be as full of shit as Hillary is without having to take the Browns to the Super Bowl every 10 minutes.