It’s the 4th of July weekend so that must mean it’s time for liberals to ruin the holiday for everyone. Oddly enough, this year’s installment is less focused on “American imperialism” and more on the fun ways we celebrate it. Do you like fireworks? You’re probably a white supremacist. Do you barbeque on the 4th? You belong in jail. Do you eat hotdogs made out of meat? Even Hitler was a vegetarian.
We start things off at liberal website Raw Story with Our prettiest pollutant: just how bad are fireworks for the environment?
But there is an environmental price to pay. Firework smoke is rich in tiny metal particles. These metals make firework colours, in much the same way as Victorian scientists identified chemicals by burning them in a Bunsen flame; blue from copper, red from strontium or lithium, and bright green or white from barium compounds.
Blah, blah, blah…this thing goes on forever about how bad fireworks are for the environment and people, with the recommendation:
Perhaps the best way to tackle the pollution caused by fireworks is not to have them at all.
The fun keeps going at Mother Jones with These BBQ Stats Will Make You King of the Cookout: An Independence Day weekend “grills gone wild” special. Glancing at the title, you might think this is an article celebrating the art of barbequing with tips on how to improve your grill skills. Actually, it’s a grim piece about how dangerous barbequing is.
After some meaningless stats about how many hotdogs Americans eat, with a reminder that farm animals don’t like BBQs, this thing drops some morbid statistics about grilling to scare you off of this dangerous activity.
First we are warned that the carbon footprint of all US barbeque grills is equal to 123, 617 cars running non-stop for a year. Then, MJ tells us that 1 out 4 hamburgers is undercooked and could kill you.
Death by BBQ isn’t just food poisoning related, the article lets us know that there are 5,700 grill fires every year resulting in 10 deaths and $37 million in property damage. There are also 3,800 grill-related ER visits and 6 people every year are hospitalized with wire grill brush injuries.
After the anti-grill fear-mongering, Mother Jones sarcastically wishes America a “happy birthday!”
The liberal fun police aren’t quite done. The people for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) frowns on the idea that people eat hotdogs on the 4th of July, or any other day for that matter. They posted a video of a cooked carrot on a hotdog bun, assuring us that, “Carrot hot dogs are packed with flavor.”
While it may be true that carrot hotdogs are packed with flavor, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it is a good flavor. Dog shit probably has a lot of flavor, but I doubt that it tastes good. In fact, I’m certain that dog shit doesn’t taste good.
There you go, liberals have provided you with a socially responsible 4th of July celebration. First you cook some rabbit food in a solar oven and then sit around in the dark checking your white privilege. I think I’m going to stick with the tried and true American way: beer, brats, and bombs bursting in air.