This story is amazing for a couple reasons: First, and most obviously is that King Kong was arrested for threatening to eat children, and second this story comes from Newsweek and doesn’t involve Trump being a Nazi. A man, whose real name is King Kong was arrested in Iowa for threatening to kill and eat children. This guy is lucky he didn’t try this crap in New York. We’ve all seen what they do to King Kong in NYC.
Here’s a shocking piece of real news from fake news Newsweek:
Several small children and a mother clutching a newborn ran for their lives after a man named King Kong allegedly threatened to kidnap, cure and cut them into pieces before eating them, police said.
King Kong Choul, 47, of Storm Lake, Iowa, menaced “several children” at around 9:45 p.m. on Wednesday, chasing them around an apartment building on Seneca Street near East 13th Street and lodging a fusillade of lethal threats, authorities said.
I don’t know how to pronounce this dude’s last name, but if it’s “cool” he has one of the most badass names ever. Too bad he’s a complete psychopath.
Choul, according to a Storm Lake Police report, approached the children claiming “he was going to cut them up into small pieces and eat them.”
Choul’s alleged cannibalistic aims included informing the children that “he had a bag of salt and would put salt on them as seasoning after he cut them into pieces,” the report detailed.
Hey, King Kong has to eat, right? I think his problem was too much talk and not enough action. Somehow this rampage got worse:
He then allegedly spotted a mother and her 1-month-old baby and “told her he was going to kidnap the baby,” according to the report.
The mother, later told responding cops that she had never met Choul. When he pursued the children and then her, she fled on foot and ducked into an apartment to hide.
She said Choul would “repeatedly look in the windows of the apartment and banged on them,” the report states.
Now get ready for the biggest shock of this story:
The accused was heavily inebriated at the time.
“Alcohol probably played a factor,” said assistant chief Chris Cole.
The officer uses the word probably because they apparently didn’t give King Kong a breathalyzer until a day after his rampage. And yet, I get the impression that he was still shit-faced a day later. King Kong can drink.
As much as I don’t understand how alcohol can make someone turn into a cannibal kidnapper (that’s more of a meth thing), I also don’t get the weak charges cops threw at King Kong. He was charged on a single count of harassment and given a $200 bond. He threatened to kill and eat children as well as kidnapping a baby. How about attempted murder and kidnapping or at least making terroristic threats?
The only thing that would have made this a better story is if the police used a helicopter to knock him off of a very tall building. Are their tall buildings in Iowa? No, check that, if after being arrested he was thrown in a cell with a guy whose legal name is Godzilla it would have been the best thing ever.