How much hate could a woodchuck hate if a woodchuck could hate Republicans? A lot apparently. Republican Speaker of the House Paul Ryan says that woodchucks ate his vehicle, which brings up the question: are woodchucks democrats? Another question that the liberal media would ask if woodchucks attacked a democrat’s car is: are these creatures partisan and racist? Democrat Maxine Waters has instructed liberals to attack all Republicans, so I think it’s safe to say that Woodchucks are liberal agitators.
Here’s an insane thing from publicly-financed NPR:
House Speaker Paul Ryan explained Thursday that a family of woodchucks moved into his Chevy Suburban recently, eating the wiring, and rendering the car useless.
“My car was eaten by animals,” Ryan said, to laughs from an audience at an event hosted by the Economic Club of Washington D.C. “It’s just dead.”
The car was parked at his mother’s house in his hometown in Wisconsin, and when she came back from her annual trip to Florida for the winter, it wouldn’t start. As a top congressional leader Ryan has a security detail and hasn’t been allowed to drive in three years.
“So I towed it into the dealer, they put it up, and they realized that a family of woodchucks lived in the underbody of my Suburban,” said Ryan.
The question, that NPR never sought to ask, is: when did woodchucks become radicalized leftist lunatics? I’ll bet the woodchucks were influenced by the tidal wave of anti-Trump fake news liberal propaganda, because they should actually have a beef with progressive democrats.
Many people don’t realize this, but a woodchuck is the same thing as a groundhog. Yeah, just like Punxsutawney Phil who comes out on Groundhog’s Day to predict how much winter is left. If you remember, NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio actually killed a groundhog. In 2014, de Blasio dropped the Staten Island Zoo’s groundhog Charlotte, and she later died.
I can’t find any evidence of a Republican ever killing a groundhog or woodchuck, and yet these woodchucks are going after Paul Ryan’s vehicle? They should be going off on leftist progressive cars like socialist Bernie Sanders’ Rolls Royce and pretend Native American Elizabeth Warren’s Jeep Cherokee. See what I did there?
Ryan as you know is retiring from Congress and he plans on getting a new vehicle when his term is up:
He did say however, that he would be getting a new Ford truck upon retirement, to replace the defunct Suburban. And he renewed his license so that when he no longer is escorted around in a government vehicle he can drive his new truck.
Despite being bankrolled by the public, NPR is usually very liberal and hostile towards anything conservative. I’m actually kind of shocked that this story was headlined by, “A Family Of Woodchucks Ate Paul Ryan’s Car” and they esisted the urge to accuse Ryan and President Trump of splitting up illegal alien families.
Maybe they’ll run a follow up piece about how Ryan ripped a family of woodchucks apart by bringing his vehicle to a mechanic. I think that’s what the American public expects from news paid for by their tax dollars.