Since today marks Valentine’s Day there will doubtlessly be many an amorous lover in America who finds some sexy new way to appeal to their significant other. In these days of decadence and debauchery, it just isn’t enough to simply to just give out a box of candy and a bouquet of flowers but to make things as kinky as possible.
The ultra-liberal Vice.com is promoting pictures of – get this – “butt bouquets” which in the simplest terms possible, is someone sticking a bunch of flowers up their ass.
And that’s not all either. In the interests of sexually stimulating others, Vice has a slew of other interesting suggestions on how to give the very special someone a delightful amorous surprise tonight.
There are also ideas for: butt plugs in jello molds, dick-shaped balloons, and a ghostly striptease.
If you’re going to participate in the yearly monetary mad dash to someone’s heart—also known as Valentine’s Day—please steer clear of celebrating your loved ones with stale candy and played-out rose bouquets! Handcrafted arrangements that are both personalized and functional to show you care are the way to go. Try arrangements inspired by their favorite bodega snack or greasy dinner, or get straight to the point and use your butt as a vase! Revisit childhood pranks with their favorite flower or completely smother them in a sea of petals! This year, avoid boring and generic arrangements, and think of a more thoughtful approach to gifting dead flowers!
As described by artist Jessica Pettway in her contribution to Vice “Butt Bouquets and Other Valentine’s Day Still Lifes”:
Valentine’s Day can feel like a slap in the face for those of us who find ourselves untethered and alone. So for the people who won’t be eating any heart-shaped chocolates today or watching smug co-workers receive Hallmark Cards and Precious Moments Dolls from their uncreative partners, we hope to ease the pain by offering up a gallery of alternative gifts and floral arrangements courtesy of visual artist Jessica Pettway. We may not be able to give you expensive candy or eternal love, but we can give you butt plugs in jello molds, dick-shaped balloons, and a ghostly strip tease.
You are not alone. Happy Valentine’s Day.
— Sara War ℹ (@SaraRucraZy) February 14, 2018
She has her own website with many more of her projects that can be viewed HERE.
Some of her specialties include:
And much more that while not all of it is of an explicitly sexual nature, it’s as weird as hell.